Check Out These Cross-Dressing NFL Players In The Most Ridiculous Sports Card Series We've Ever Seen

I reflexively grow suspicious whenever an athlete uses himself for any promotional purpose, and the more out-of-character the appearance is, the more suspicious I get. Whenever I hear of a player "having some fun on the set," or hear a guy say through his agent that he "had a really great time" at a photo shoot, my level of suspicion immediately ramps up to critical levels.

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These guys are like most people, in that they aren't socially energetic extroverts. They're the Straight Man in every commercial. They stand there like a prop as Rabid Fan hatches a Crazy Plot with Other Rabid Fan. They're passable on billboards with milk mustaches only because they aren't moving.

When you read a promotional puff piece of the promotion (An advertisement of an advertisement! We are all insane!) and see a photo of Dan Marino smiling and sort of half-hugging the commercial director's production assistant, he is not, as the caption will claim, "clowning around on the set."He is a dog in a crate, hungry, thirsty, terrified, desperate to get off the plane. I feel awful. What are you doing to this man? Why would I make myself a participant in this agony by purchasing your product? What are you selling again? God, man, who cares?

I think I'm really exaggerating here, just because that's the way I would be in such a situation. I'm sure that every day, athletes take photo shoots, commercials, what have you, in stride. They do what they need to do, and it isn't a big deal.

In this case -- the case of this Monsters of the Gridiron football card set -- I know I'm not exaggerating. Look in their eyes! They wish they were dead.

These really may be the dumbest cards in the history of Sports Cards For Insane People. Deep breath. (And once again, I have delved into the unbelievably throrough depths of Check Out My Cards to find these monstrosities.)

This post originally appeared at SB Nation.

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